Waiting....

I think I might be a little OBSESSED with the computer.... ok well that might be extreme!  It is just about the 1st thing I do in the morning after gettting my baby up and fed. I turn it on.... HOPING for an email from my husband.  Then there have been DAYS that I sit in front of it for HOURS hoping and wishing he was on so I could "talk" (email back and forth) to him.  The connection is horrible and although he has his laptop there is no signal where he is to get on yahoo. 

So many days I feel helpless.  I NEED to talk to him.  Believe it or not, he has been gone 16 weeks (as of this sat) and I have YET to actually hear his voice or talk to him on the phone since he left back in March.  I just miss hearing his I LOVE YOU's. We are able to email each other. But not as often as I would like. Sometimes its DAYS before I hear from him.  I havent been the best letter writer either.  Mail takes FOREVER to get to him so it makes it hard. 

He has missed so much of our girls growings up.  Our "baby" is 20 months old (on July 3rd) She is talking up a storm. (her latest is Ouch Charlie... ya know that youtube video.... its way cute)  She is a little spitfire and her daddy is missing it all.  Ya know, there are many days I think to myself... how does he feel about missing this stuff?  Does it really bug him?  Does he think "hey I wonder if Delaney will even know who I am when I get back?" well, I can tell you YES!  without a doubt she KNOWS who her daddy is.  She misses him, as do we all.

This deployment has seemed to zoom by.  Hard to believe 16 weeks have come and gone.  The ins and outs of everyday crap can be overwhelming.  The fighting over toys... the hitting each other because the other person hit you first..... the calling each other names.... the not wanting to do anything but watch TV... get really old FAST!

I have even resorted in the last week of saying to my girls.... I wish your daddy was home just so HE could punish you.... cuz I am tired being the bad guy!  I have had alot of "bad days" lately.  I REALLY miss my Marine!  I want him home.... I want to be able to spend time together.  To laugh and play with the kids. But at the end of the day.... I know he is where he needs to be.  He makes it possible for me to be a mommy and stay home with our girls.  He has sacrificed so much for us.  I couldnt be prouder to be his wife!

I miss you honey. Be safe and know you are in my thoughts all the time.... <3 

**sorry that this entry is a mishmash of thoughts.... its one of those nights**