Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A different kinda post

I have been reading LOTS of different blogs lately  (mostly from other military wives)... trying to pass the LONG sleepless nights with my Marine gone.  Most of the Blogs have done a "getting to know me" type thing... or a little more personal stuff instead of just whats going on with the kids.  My life is my kids!  and what they do and need, along with my Marine. I have really tried to NOT dwell on my Marine being gone.... AGAIN!  I swear he wasn't even back in the states for a year and in that year he was doing so many classes and training things, I think we could add up MAYBE 3 months home total.  Which sucks because I had had our littlest, Delaney, while he was deployed last time and when he got home she was already 4 1/2 months old.  and now here he was leaving again for 7-8 months and she was only 15 1/2 months old. 

I do have to say that I have made it 14 weeks now. (half way through says my Marine)  But in that time there has been countless sleepless nights. It is hard when you have gotten used to being with someone.... having them just "there" as you sleep.   See my Marine and I have been together for over 18 years now... just celebrating 13 years of marriage, on May 31st (oh ya he was gone for that too) But, Right now I am even missing his snoring and hogging all the bed. (now you know I am desperate huh? to actually miss that stuff) There are many nights I lay awake just wondering what he is doing? what he is up to? What it is like where he is? Why do the "Higher ups" (his commanding officers) have to be such jerks?  I know my Marine and know he puts 110% of himself in his work.  He has been a Marine for almost 15 years now.... (Aug 8th to be exact will mark 15 yrs in the Corps) He has been deployed more than I would care to remember sometimes.  Okinawa, the MEU, 3 times to Iraq and this time to Afghanistan. 

We have been to Camp Pendleton where my Marine was stationed for just about 9 years..... in 2/4, SOI as an Instructor at the Maching Gun Leaders course, 1/5 (which is where he was when the WAR began... making back to back deployments with them) and then we headed to Parris Island, SC where he was a DI in 2nd Battalion for 3 years.  At the time we couldn't stand living there!  We actually HATED it!  Being out in the boonies and having to drive an hour to get anywhere..... But after 3 years of being there... we PCS'd to 29 Palms, CA.... aka HELL!  There is no other way to describe this place. It is HOT and desolate!!!  There is NOTHING to do with the kids, ok well besides going to the pools, but there are even days its too HOT to be outside at the pools. Plus with little ones who can't be in the sun much (my littlest is very fair skinned and can't be in the sun for long) it isn't much fun.  
**just a sidenote, after getting to 29, 2 years ago, my first thought was SEND ME back to PI!  At least it was green and the girls had friends. Now remember.... we couldn't stand living there, while we were there. So wanting to go back... sounded crazy.

Luckily through all of the last 2 years I have only been 3 hours (189 miles to be exact) from "home", my parents. What a strength they, along with my brother, have been to me and my girls.  At least I can get away from the HELL of the desert with the girls and go visit gramma and papa for the weekend.  Now they are outta school it is even better!  We don't HAVE to be there at all!  (I guess that is the one plus, if you can call it that, of my Marine being gone... We can all come and go as we please.  not worrying about missing him at home)

But really it doesnt make deployments any easier. We dont miss him any less.  They girls talk about their daddy everyday. Saying things like "I just wish he could be home NOW!"  or "I bet daddy would love to be eating dinner with us"  or "I wish daddy would have been here to see me graduate from 6th grade" I wish all those things too.  Man it is hard doing the duties of both mom and dad. (just another sidenote though... 2 days before Father's day I got a sweet email from my Marine....

I will start with Happy Fathers Day, yes I know that sounds weird but you are always doing both jobs anyyway while I am gone. I just thought that you need to be recognized as well. Other than that I hope everything is going well for you and the girls.
143 Forever
How sweet is that?  It brought a smile to my face and it means so much to me that HE recognized all that I do while he is gone. I mean he DOES know all that I do, but to actually be told is a whole different ball game.
Anyways, I feel like I am rambling... sorry for those reading it.  Sometimes, ok well most of the time, my brain and thoughts work faster than my fingers can type.

Tonite as I was leaving the grocery store I saw a young couple (and I can say that cuz I am OLD) getting outta their car.  The wife was standing to the back of the car waiting for her husband to get out.  When he did he put his arms around her and they hugged each other and then kissed.  I then said outloud, to myself of course, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE!  I would give ANYTHING to be able to hug and kiss my Marine husband right now.  I just want to be close to him... but it not our time to be together yet.

Now I say all this, missing my Marine more than anything lately. But thinking in my mind of those Blogs I have read... those couple of military wives who have lost their husbands.  Those who have paid the ULTIMATE sacrifice for each of us.  They not only have to live through a deployment but for the rest of their lives.  I am at a loss each time I read an entry on these blogs.  I have NEVER met these women, but can say the are AMAZING!  They have AMAZING strength and courage to share their stories through blogs.  It lifts me, believe it or not.  Helps me to be stronger and go on day to day.

We military wives have to stick together.  Without the wonderful friends I have made it would be much harder to "SURVIVE" this crap!  

Sorry for the pity party. Like I said... I have tried to be strong but sometimes it gets to overwhelming.  I miss you Matthew.... my Marine.... I love you with all my heart and can't wait for you to come HOME to us :)
isnt he good looking?  I LOVE MY MAN IN UNIFORM!!!

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